The Right Time to "Have a Baby"

If Lockwood’s argument about the impact of timing pregnancy on a child’s life prospects is taken seriously, the question arises: At what stage in their lives are prospective parents likely to be in the best position to have children? On a broader scale, how much does the presence or absence of grandparents affect a child’s life prospects?
Many people have memories of their grandparents. Some people have the chance to live with them during their adolescence and young adulthood, learning about their lifestyles, their interests, and, ultimately, themselves. Grandparents often play a valuable role in a child’s development, and the relationships children develop with them can create a unique situation. At its best, such a relationship can help parents navigate the inevitable stages of conflict and authority that are inherent in the parent-child relationship, while ensuring that their child does not feel deprived of their parents’ unconditional love.

Given the value of the grandparent relationship (both to the child and the support they provide to the child’s parents), should parents-to-be try to give their children as much of this opportunity as possible? If parents deliberately delay having children, are their children missing out on such a valuable opportunity? Gillian Lockwood, medical director of the Midland Fertility Clinic near Birmingham, England, recently expressed such an opinion. She told a science festival on the “fertility time bomb” that modern children are being deprived of a meaningful relationship with their grandparents because parents who are focused on their careers are losing too much time to have children. Of course, Lockwood does not mean that parents-to-be should decide to have children just because time is taking a toll on the grandparents’ relationship with their children. In fact, he cites other reasons against delaying childbearing, such as the decline in fertility in later childbearing years. But he thinks that the relationship between grandparents and children is a significant issue, and more importantly, that children are deprived of the blessings of grandparents by delaying.

This grand claim, if taken in this way, is a fallacy. Simply put, if parents decide to have a child sooner, they will have another child. If they wait until their thirties or later to have a child, they have not deprived their child. The only other option for that particular child is not to have it, not to have it sooner. This is an example of what philosophers call the “this is not now” problem. This is the problem that arises when prospective parents want to decide whether certain pregnancies are better or worse, but the fact is that none of these decisions are better or worse for the child that is born, since the only other option for that child is not to have it. Timing of pregnancy or embryo selection in IVF (in vitro fertilization) are clear examples of this problem.

However, this may seem like philosophical rhetoric, and some still think Lockwood is right. The fact that children born later have less opportunity to enjoy the blessings of grandparents is probably a point that prospective parents are considering. In fact, the issue of not being immediate is an issue precisely because many people think that there are important ethical issues involved in environmental conditions, even if another child is born based on the issue of not being immediate. Some environmental conditions are better for having a child—or any child. So isn’t it better to avoid delaying having children as much as possible, so as to give our children the chance to have grandparents?

Julian Savilski, a professor of philosophy at Oxford University, has argued for the principle of “childbearing advantage.” Although she is essentially arguing for embryo selection in IVF, the central principle of her argument can be used to answer our question. The principle she claims is that prospective parents should make decisions about having children in a way that results in the birth of a child (out of the children they could possibly have) with the best prospects for a good life. This is because maximizing human happiness is desirable in itself.
If Lockwood’s argument about the effect that timing pregnancy has on a child’s life prospects is taken seriously, the question arises as to at what stage of their lives are prospective parents likely to be in the best position to have children? On a broader scale, how much does the presence or absence of grandparents affect a child’s life prospects?

Delaying having children can have far-reaching consequences for the child to come. The support that grandparents provide to parents and the value of the relationship they build with their grandchildren can only offset the consequences of delaying having children if the parents-to-be do not look after their child or do not look after them as well as their parents. But these are not the only factors that contribute to delaying. Financial resources, social status and life experiences all improve with age. In fact, independent data from the Public Policy Review tells us that mothers who have children before the age of 24 cost themselves and their families £3.4 million in financial losses over their lifetime.
On the other hand, parental energy and tolerance are likely to decline with age,

which may not be good news for children of older parents.

A particular parent’s sense of “readiness” for childbearing and other psychological characteristics may change for specific and unpredictable reasons.

It is not clear which factors related to timing of pregnancy have the most predictable effect on the well-being of the potential child and how prediction can reconcile energy and experience. These are complex questions for sociologists, and the usual models that guide sociologists may not work in certain cases.

Given that it is impossible to make a prediction based on the exact details of the circumstances regarding future financial betterment or worsement and the improvement or decline in social status of the prospective parents, it seems practically impossible to calculate the right time for a particular parent to have a child. Furthermore, the reproductive process is not so much under our control that we can easily time pregnancy, and there is no guarantee that a pregnant woman will be able to carry a pregnancy to term. In fact, the painful thing about the “right time” to have a child is that it can have a devastating impact on the parent-child relationship, especially if the parents constantly feel guilty about having a child at an inappropriate time.

The desire of many people in previous generations to become grandparents is understandable, and it is better for children to be able to have a loving interaction with their grandparents. But other factors are at play. So these intergenerational considerations alone do not provide a good reason for future parents to seek to have children sooner than they themselves decide. It is certainly wrong to believe that delaying childbearing deprives children of a relationship with their grandparents. Because the only other option for children born to older mothers is not to be born at all.